The conference has begun properly. With song and with sacrament we have declared Charlotte to be a place where the Spirit is going to move and the Church is going to act. It is a day of celebration, of reflection, and of collaboration across every aspect of our connectional lives. I have seen so many people and talked to a significantly smaller number of them, but in my few interactions it has been clear that God has created an amazingly diverse body of people within the United Methodist Church. In the News Room, I sit just a little ways away from communicators for French, German, Korean and Portugese language publications. All around me are people from all backgrounds and locales around the world.

Outside the plenary hall, there are two things I have seen again and again. The first is between people on all levels of church leadership. One person sees another, a shout is raised over the crowd, and hugs immediately follow. So many people are seeing old colleagues and friends they may not have seen in decades, and yet we are brought together here. I myself have seen old seminary friends, Communicators I’d met previously at UMAC, and people tied to work I’ve done before I entered into pastoral ministry. Every day I’ve learned more and more people I know are here… and I really do not know that many people. The nature of our work demands that we stay in contact and we cannot resist that call.

The second sign is like it. One person sees a group of Bishops from across the room. They cry out, “Bishop!” and, more often than not, the bishop who turns around is their bishop. It isn’t magic, it isn’t 100%. However, I am made to remember the words of Christ. “My sheep know my voice…” Perhaps the other side of this is equally true, “A shepherd knows their sheep.” I am thankful for attentive bishops who know the sheep they shepherd.

Today has been busier, so I do not have quite as many reflections on the nature of life or a good bowl of curry. Still, in the midst of reading through legislation and typing drafts of articles, my mind is wrapping itself around the meaning of this gathering.

With the official start of the General Conference, the eyes of the world turn toward Charlotte. A consistent prayer is carried from the lips of onlookers, “Thy will be done.” This is among the most dangerous prayers we can pray, asking us to abandon what we want in favor of what Christ would have us do. It is a prayer we often pray. Yet, it is a prayer we seldom say in earnest.

“Thy will be done,” is usually a thing we say to mean, “God, you and I are simpatico, so let’s get this over with.” It is a far cry from what the words should actually mean. Even Christ, praying in the Garden, prayed “Thy will be done,” with the hope that God would relent from the price that was about to be paid. We pray “Thy will be done,” hoping that it will result in God bringing about what we wish to see… We seldom pray it and accept what comes as God working out God’s will on Earth. We are different from Christ in this.

We know something about God or else we would have no faith. We guide our life by principles we believe align with God, so why would we not have hopes of what is to come and believe that God will bring them about? Yet, if we believe in the prayer, “Thy will be done,” we have to be willing to accept that sometimes that means things will turn out differently.

When prayed in 2019 many of us were disappointed that the Traditionalist Plan passed. When it is prayed this year, if more progressive legislation passes, still others will be disappointed. Yet, what do we do, as people who believe God is active in the world? Do we think that only one outcome will be the will of God? Neither? Both? I do not rightly know, but I’m thinking about it this week.

We believe as United Methodists that God allows us to choose our own way through this life. Our salvation is not chosen for us and neither is our conduct. A saved person can sin and the unsaved can do right, God’s grace and liberty allow for both to be true. Institutions can likewise sin and can do what it is right. Simply because something passes at conference does not mean that it is good, just because it fails does not mean it was not good.

I have many opinions about things. I would say one of the most obvious things about me to those who know me is my ability to form opinions about things. It is a blessing and it is a curse. Yet, I believe firmly that as a Christian, a Methodist, and a Minister, we need to have cogent theological arguments for what we believe. That is why I am frustrated when I say, I have no ability to know what I am really asking when I say, “Thy will be done.”

We all strive to know God’s will, but until we see it erupt from the wellspring of the Spirit, we cannot truly discern it. We all strive to know God’s will, but the world has seen so much horror and sadness I cannot take every event in history to simply be, “The will of God.” We all strive to know God’s will, but I cannot imagine God would will any person be excluded from the family of God, simply for who they are. And yet… And yet… And yet…

Bishop Thomas Bickerton, the president of the Council of Bishops and West Virginia Native (woot woot!) preached during opening worship. His words were firm, they were beautiful, and they captured something of my own feelings as I sit here awaiting these two weeks. He introduced a practice of praying before each sermon he gives, “Oh God, remove me from me, and fill me with you.”

Before I sat down to write this I thought I would call this letter, “Kenosis,” a Greek word meaning “To empty.” It is used in Philippians to describe Christ taking on human form. However, the focus of the Bishop’s prayer is not the emptying, so much as the filling. Yes, we empty ourselves of our own desires – but if that were it we would be left as empty people. Instead, we empty ourselves with a purpose. We empty ourselves so that we can be filled with the Spirit. We ask God’s spirit to rest upon us, for an “Epiclesis,” not just to hollow us out in “Kenosis.”

When we pray, “Thy will be done,” we are doing something similar. We are asking the Spirit to come down and dwell within us. To guide us. To stop us or usher us forward. Yet, proud people that we are, we often keep running in the same direction no matter what.

I know what I want out of General Conference. I know what people who disagree with me want out of General Conference. Are we willing to accept that God’s desires might encompass those, go beyond them, or even contradict them… I will try and understand God’s will whether I get what I want or not. All I can do is ask for God to fill me with the Spirit, and follow that Spirit wherever it may lead me.